I've Moved!!

My blog has moved to Wordpress -

http://kerischulz.wordpress.com

california keri?

It has officially been forever since I've blogged... A problem I continually vow to change, but practically can't seem to make happen. But I suppose in blogdom, change happens one post at a time.
So, I was doing my usual somewhat infrequent tour-o-blogs of my friends in Bend, and after reading some inspiring and altogether too-challenging (if that's possible) posts written by my friend Bo Stern, I went looking over her blog and scanned through the links. Much to my suprise and excitement, I found my own name on her list of links...however, I was slightly shocked, and a little miffed to find that I had been named "California Keri."

Something inside of me kicks against being keri FROM california. It is the same part of me that refuses to trade in my oregon plates and license for CA ones though I've lived here five years now. It's the same part of me that determines to refer to soft drinks as "pop" even at the cost of much ridicule from my local friends. It's the part of me that says, "uhh" before I answer the question "where are you from?" It's the part that still studders when refering to la mirada as home. My heart strings seem to be unseverable (i think I just made that word up), from the beautiful town of Bend. I'm not sure if it's my family, my friends there, the beautiful scenery, the chill down-to-earth culture, the memories of things God has done in my life there, my never dying passion for God's movement at Mountain View, or very likely the combination of all things above that keep my heart attached to that town "in the middle of nowhere" (according to So. Cal people).

The california is starting to seep in, however. I-5, has permenately become "the five" for me and all other freeways followed suit. I think that 60 degree days are chilly, and my shoe wardrobe now includes, and is dominated by the near-daily worn rainbow sandals. When I come to bend for christmas, I get asked how I got so tan. And... to top it all off... I have a season pass to Disneyland...Yes, I can sail down splash mountain nearly every day of the year if I please.

I've often wondered why I am so hesitant to embrace Southern California, or why I take such pride when people ask me "you aren't from here, are you?" And though, I think I'll never really kick my desire to be back in beautiful Bend, I am starting to see that my longing for something else keeps me from embracing what God has for me now. My passion for bend has turned into an arrogance against southern california.
I don't want to be someone who gets so caught up in what's coming next, or where I've been before that I miss out on what's before me in that moment. As I look at the life of Jesus, I see One who lived so radically in the moment. Of course, he was conscious of the past, and his role in salvation history, and he talked frequently about the kingdom of God and things to come, but practically, he lived his life so intently in the now. He stopped to heal the blind beggars, He paused to hug the children, he fielded questions from disciples, and religous pharisees, even late into the night. He, at one moment is Jesus of Nazareth, and then the man from Galilee, one who came from Egypt, and one who had his heart fixed on Jerusalem.
I long to be more like Christ, consumed with what God has set before me for each day, attentive enough to recognize His movement and work, but not ashamed to long for a better place (even better than bend).

So for now, I'm here, until He says otherwise. So Bo, I'm no more offended by my title on your links. God has me here in California today, and so far as I know for tomorrow too. Maybe someday, it'll change to Back in Bend Keri, or Off to the nations Keri, or God bless Texas Keri (though I kinda hope not), but for now, because it's God's great plan for me, I'm thankful to be,
"California Keri"

goodnight

Tightrope

Get ready...this is a long one.

It is amazing how the things that I come to God so frustrated about, are the very things that He speaks so much comfort into. The funny thing, however, is that I usually come to Him (emotionally speaking at least) looking for sympathy, like you might get from your best friend or your mom. I half-desire Him to respond, “yeah Keri, that really sucks. I can’t believe life has shaped up for you this way. What a bummer! This situation really isn’t going your way. I am sorry about that. I wish I could do something to change it…well, what do you know? I’m God Almighty! Let me fix that for you!” And, then life would proceed, happily ever after.

Yet, because I approach a God that is so much greater and wiser than the one my emotions and imagination sometimes wish to appeal to, He responds very differently. His poignant truth-answers feel all at once, like a punch to the kidney, and, as my cousin Brandy so eloquently says, “a bath on the inside.” (The feelings usually come in that order too – first, punch, then bath.)

So here is tonight’s version:
I’ve been attending these intensives (our fancy names for classes) at RockHarbor (our fancy name for church), and have found myself leaving these classes with more questions than answers usually. Not at all to discredit the courses - they are amazing, but it seems like any good class I’ve taken simply sparks an idea, or whets my pallet to some delicious topic, and then ends before I can even scratch the surface.

In the worship leading class, Todd talked about how our human hearts are so bent toward idolatry, that even worship of God throughout history has digressed into idolatry. For example, the golden calf dilemma was not birthed out of a God-less moment. It was the horribly degrading attempt of God’s people to shrink down their Object of worship (An untamable, God who described Himself as “completely Other (holy)”, and an “All-Consuming Fire”, among other things) into something they could both understand and manage. We proceeded to talk about how even our worship today in church can digress into idolatry. The worship leaders can become idols, the songs can become idols, the “feeling” or “fix” that we get when we worship can even become an idol. I left the meeting both challenged, but also somewhat saddened. I was challenged to do all that I can to keep my heart pure, to humble myself before God and get out of the way, and to relentlessly try to point the attention to God alone, not to me, not to songs, not to feelings, but to Him. But I also was so saddened that even the “good things,” even the “God-stuff” isn’t safe. If worship can lead me (and the church at large) into sin, and not just any sin, but the sin of idolatry (breaking the FIRST commandment for crying out loud), then we are doomed! Even our best efforts can lead to death. How depressing.

So what can you do after a class like that? I do the only thing I can think of: head to the beach, to soak up the sun, ride my bike down the strand, enjoy some cheesecake-on-a-stick, all the while trying to shake off the depressing stuff, and enjoy God’s creation.

But…the conversation isn’t over. Tonight, I attend yet another intensive, this one titled Pastoring 101 (but really is stuff every Christian needs to hear). And, it’s really the same story. Much of our conversation tonight centered around the fact that we are so prone to stray from a genuine loving relationship with God. This is horribly detrimental for pastors/ministers, because you begin to try to give to others out of an empty self, and again….we’re off and running toward idolatry, (whether we’re worshipping ourselves, worshipping a pastor, etc.) It starts out good, we realize we’re messed up, we run to Jesus, He saves us, we realize His goodness, and desire to share that with others. This “sharing it with others” becomes our ministry, and then instead of being the Source, and the Goal, Jesus becomes the means to fuel our ministry – with self-help, or helping others, or a satisfying life, or praise, or whatever else as the goal. Goal –a.k.a. idol.

So again, I leave saddened. Worship leading, might lead to idolatry. Pastoring, might lead to idolatry… crap. We’re in trouble. (I know this sounds extreme, obviously, I don’t believe that these ALWAYS lead or idolatry, or even most of the time, but the fact that they can, still freaks me out.)
As we bow our heads to pray, I pray a different prayer than the pastor leading the intensive. (Sorry, I wasn’t listening to the prayer). It went something like this.

“God. This is so frustrating. I feel destined to fail. Even the best of callings/jobs/ministries, whatever you want to call them, can lead to the most horrible of sins. It seems like there is no safe place.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve been forced to walk from here to heaven on this tightrope. Below me is a bottomless gulf just waiting for me to surrender to endless failure. One tiny mistake, even a sneeze could dismount me from this Christian lifeline and it’s over. (I sound so bleak huh? It seems worse in writing, for some reason I feel ok telling God these sorts of things). No one can make it.

He answered, (first with the punch). You’re right, you won’t make it. You are right, your fallen heart is bent toward worshipping other things. But, here’s the truth. You aren’t the one who’s supposed to be walking this line.
(you can see it coming now.) (Here’s the bath on the inside) - Jesus can, and did. Now, your job is to climb into a wheelbarrow, and let Him push you across. Remember He is God, remember He doesn’t fail, and yes, I’m serious, sit in a wheelbarrow over an endless gulf, and be pushed (without your control) atop a wobbling rope, by the only One who could ever master it. Do you believe I am who I say I am?

The only way you fail, or fall is if you climb out of the wheelbarrow (Spirit-filled life, made possible by Jesus). All at once it is so safe and feels so not-safe. Ah, the life lived as God plans.
I’m not terribly comfortable in the wheelbarrow, I’d prefer a 747(and where’s the trust in that?), but He is God and I am not, and this is how it works. So I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, and let Him push me along, because, I know I can’t do it, but I’m assured He can.


“Oh, foolish Galatians... having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh??”

and that, my friends…is the gospel, in circus form.


(so after thinking about it, it might be better to liken the feeling I get when God hits me with truth to the setting of a broken bone. Definitely painful, but so necessary, and completely good. God is very concerned with resetting the disjointed views we have of Him, ourselves and the world. For that, I praise Him, so wise, so good.)

I walk the line

Luke 8:40-56
“Now when Jesus returned, the crowd welcomed him, for they were all waiting for him. And there came a man named Jairus, who was a ruler of the synagogue. And falling at Jesus’ feet, he implored him to come to his house, for he had an only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she was dying.”
(49) “While he was still speaking, someone from the ruler’s house came and said, ‘Your daughter is dead; do not trouble the Teacher anymore.”
Upon reading this story this morning, it struck me how limited our faith is.
I am sure that the people from the Jairus’ house were very supportive of him going to find Jesus to heal his daughter from this horrible sickness. They most likely believed that if He just came to her, He was entirely able to stop the fatal sickness right in its tracks and that she would be made well. But, the moment that the child dies, they give up hope and tell him to stop bothering Jesus any longer. They have faith that He has power over sickness, but not over death.
Now, I don’t mean to sound arrogant. I would have a very hard time actually believing that Jesus would come and raise one of my family members from the dead. It is just interesting how up to a certain point, we have great faith in God, and what He is able and even willing to do. But we draw these lines in the sand, and if he does not cross them, or does not cross them as soon as we’d like, or in the way we’d like, our faith cries “uncle” and we give up right on the spot. We disguise our lack of faith, insisting that we are "bothering" Jesus with our requests, and claiming that He is much too high and far off to be concerned with our respectively small problems.
It is amazing how faith is the exception, and how our hearts are so miserably bent toward doubt.


Lord I believe, help my unbelief.
will you erase the lines I've drawn?

Back to the Grind

The term "Back to the Grind" has an all new meaning this year. I've made the switch from the mostly-bored shoulder-surgery, and coach-with-one-arm-for-a-living fall to a new year that currently involves 16 or 17 hour workdays in three different jobs. I still coach, but now with two arms. But I decided to add not only a long-term-substitute job on, but I've recently become a Starbucks barista.
I know, I've joined the monster corporation that is taking over the world, but I needed health insurance and they have great benefits even for part-time employees (or as Starbucks calls us "partners"). So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
It has been really nice to show up to work and to just make something I love (namely coffee) to give to other people. The best part is, there's not much to screw up. I mean, it's just coffee. It's not grades, or soccer careers, or college scholarships, or life-altering injuries. It is just coffee. If someone doesn't like it, I just make them another one, and they're out the door and on their way.
Sometimes, I want to tell the other bustling Southern Californians that "it's just coffee" when they get unbelievably upset that their "Venti, decaf skinny vannilla latte, extra hot with no foam" has a tiny bit of foam that squeaked into the cup during my rookie-style, not-entirely-perfect pour of their nonfat 180 degree milk. It's funny how upset people get about coffee. I guess people like things the way they like them.

It has got me thinking about what God has been talking with me about lately. I have been thinking and praying a lot about the idea of comfort and how it is often tied to compromise. I am so frequently in pursuit of my own comfort, even at the expense of others. But the thing about being a Christian is that comfort has to be nothing more than a bonus. When we are freed from slavery from sin, we sometimes stop thinking about it there, forgetting that we are freed from sin, in order to be freed to be bondservants of Christ. The standard for slaves is sacrifice, not really comfort.
When I cling too tightly to my own comforts, I end up compromising. I compromise time with God in the morning for sleep. I compromise time helping a friend who is discouraged for just going home and relaxing on my couch. I compromise the chance to show a high school girl I care by going to some goofy team event because I want to be comfortable. I want my comfortable saturday doing what I want to do.
Comfort is wonderful, but from now on it must be a bonus. And bonuses are something that make you excited. I guess, my little coffee job has showed me more than how to make a Venti-decaf-extra-hot-vanilla-latte.

It's just coffee. It's just comfort.
therre are more important things in life. He is worth every ounce of sacrifice.
there will be a day for endless comfort

wonderful wintertime walkin.

So...these are pictures straight from the middle of my hometown. This river runs right through the middle, and it is absolutely gorgeous. It is a phenominal change from the concrete jungle of So. Cal. It was really nice to be at home for Christmas break.

I just went out walking alone one afternoon along the Deschutes river, and realized how priceless times like that are. It is so refreshing to walk through the snow along a pristine river, pulling out my little camera every once in a while in hopes to capture the moment. It's never quite the same in a picture, but these are pretty good snapshots of that beautiful afternoon.
It's crazy how even as a young person, with no family to look after, and really not even holding a "real job" I still don't take enough times like this to just walk through nature, talk with Jesus about all of the wonderful things He's made, and wonder at creation like little children do.
I have often thought that it is funny that "solitude" and "silence" were considered disciplines. I really have always thought of those as benefits, or unexpected blessings in life. But this walk reminded me that rest and refreshment is available for those who take it.

There is still something to be said about this "sabbath" idea.

How amazing and unique is this ice on these rocks....and when was the last time anyone cared? It's funny how stopping to just see, and care about something so trivial, and short-lived as ice on some rocks, changed my entire day and my perspective.

So I guess, I'm mostly just preaching to myself...to remember to take some moments to enjoy creation, to walk by the rivers and be lead by still waters. He still does restore my soul.

so if anyone knows of any beautiful places near La Mirada...let me know-

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree!

Christmas '07 at the Schulz's

Certainly the most exciting part of my Christmas was the littlest Schulz, whom I endearinlgy call, "Davey." David was a riot on Christmas. Danny and Jamie got to our parents' house on Christmas evening, and the festivities began. David busted out his "Cars" PJs, Slippers, and Lightning McQueen talking car he'd gotten earlier that morning, and we started opening presents!!!

Actually, he helped all of us open our presents, Mom, Dad, Danny, Jamie, Aunt Donna, Uncle Dan, Trevor my cousin, and Me. He could immediately tell when the presents were not for him -- they were boring...like clothes, and tools, and books, and blenders, and trevor's terribly confusing to a two-year-old mountain bike and snowbard and motocross gear.

One thing he definately recognized was the guitar...he went right for it...It seems to run in the family. Before long he'll be blowing Danny and I out of the water as a worship leader. And, boy, can this kid dance too!!

Well, I hope you had a Christmas that was as great as ours!!